“I don’t want to go to school:” What it really means – and how to help
As the new school year quickly approaches, many families are prepping for new routines —packing lunches, managing homework and adjusting to earlier bedtimes. But for some children, the return to school brings more than just the usual jitters. It can trigger a deeper struggle: school avoidance.
What Is school avoidance?
School avoidance, sometimes called school refusal, goes beyond the occasional “I don’t want to go to school today.” It’s a pattern of emotional distress that leads to frequent absences or difficulty staying in school. Children may complain of physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches, or they may express intense fear, sadness or anxiety about attending school.
This behavior can stem from a variety of causes, including:
- Separation anxiety
- Social challenges or bullying
- Academic pressures
- Mental health concerns like anxiety or depression
- Major life changes (e.g., moving, divorce, loss)
What to watch for
It’s not always easy to distinguish between typical reluctance and something more serious. Here are some signs your child might be experiencing school avoidance:
- Frequent complaints of feeling sick, especially on school mornings
- Difficulty falling asleep or frequent nightmares
- Tantrums, crying or clinginess before school
- Repeated requests to stay home
- Falling behind academically or socially
If these behaviors persist for more than a few days, it’s worth taking a closer look.
How parents can help
Supporting a child through school avoidance requires patience, empathy and a proactive approach. Here are some strategies that can make a difference:
- Validate their feelings. Let your child know you hear them. Saying things like, “I can see school is really hard for you right now,” helps them feel understood — even if you still expect them to attend.
- Stick to routines. Consistency is key. Keep morning and bedtime routines predictable and avoid letting your child stay home unless they’re truly ill.
- Collaborate with the school. Reach out to your child’s teacher, school counselor or principal. They can help identify triggers and create a plan to support your child’s return to the classroom.
- Seek support. If school avoidance is severe or ongoing, consider talking to a pediatrician or mental health professional. Therapy can help children develop coping skills and address underlying issues.
- Celebrate all wins. Every step forward counts. Whether it’s getting dressed for school without a meltdown or making it through a full day, acknowledge your child’s efforts.
When to get help
If your child’s school avoidance is interfering with their learning, friendships or emotional wellbeing, don’t wait. Early intervention can prevent long-term academic and social challenges.