Brain full? How parents are lightening the mental load

Parenting is a full-time job — and then some. Beyond the visible tasks like school drop-offs and bedtime stories lies the often invisible “mental load”: the constant planning, remembering and organizing that keeps a household running. For many families, this load can fall on one partner more than the other, leading to stress and burnout. But it doesn’t have to be that way. 

Here’s how real families are lightening the mental load by sharing responsibilities, using smart tools and building systems that work for everyone. 

Divide and conquer — intentionally 

Many families find success by clearly dividing responsibilities. For example: 

• Appointments: One parent handles scheduling, the other manages insurance and payments. 
• Daycare and activities: Parents alternate drop-offs and pick-ups based on work schedules and personal appointments. 
• Bedtime routines: Alternating nights helps both parents stay involved and have quality time with children, while giving each a break as well. 

When decided upon between partners, this kind of intentional division ensures no one person feels overwhelmed by these daily tasks. 

Shared tools to stay organized. 

When used to your advantage, technology can be a game-changer: 

• Shared calendars: Color-coded Google calendars or iPhone family calendars help everyone stay on the same page. 
• Grocery apps: Apps like Bring! or Hy-Vee Aisles Online allow multiple users to add items in real time. 
• Central command centers: A tablet in the kitchen displaying calendars, weather and grocery lists can help kids and adults alike stay informed about activities, household needs, etc. 

These tools reduce the need for constant verbal reminders and make responsibilities visible to all. 

Lists are your BFF 

Whether it’s a pad on the fridge or a shared digital note, lists are essential: 

• Write down what you need as soon as you think of it. 
• Use shared notes for tasks like signing up for sports or scheduling appointments. 
• Create themed cleaning days (e.g., Monday = Kitchen, Tuesday = Bathrooms) to spread chores throughout the week. Make sure to save at least one day for rest, relaxation and fun! 

One parent even created a 7-week rotating dinner plan with corresponding grocery lists—talk about next-level organization! 

Plan together, weekly 

Set aside a designated time each week to: 

• Review calendars 
• Pay bills 
• Discuss upcoming events or needs 

This habit keeps both partners in the loop and prevents last-minute surprises. Bonus: add it to your calendar as a “Family Business Meeting” and treat it as you would any work engagement! 

Empower kids early 

As children grow, involve them in the system: 

• Encourage them to check the family calendar 
• Let them add to the grocery list (just double check they didn’t add extra cookies or ice cream) 
• Assign age-appropriate chores 

This not only lightens your load, but also teaches responsibility, independence and the necessary tasks that keep a household afloat. 

It doesn’t have to be perfect! 

Let’s be honest — some weeks, the meal plan falls apart and the laundry piles up. That’s OK. The goal isn’t perfection; it’s sustainability. Even partial systems can make a big difference in reducing stress and improving communication. 

Managing the mental load is about more than just getting things done — it’s about creating a balanced, respectful partnership where everyone contributes. With a little planning, the right tools and open communication, families can get the job done and still make time for fun.