Celebrating uniqueness in children: A parent's guide

Sometimes as a parent, you just might not know what to say. In fact, some parents get hesitant to bring up differences, because well...they've been taught it's just plain rude. 

But children continue taking in information and putting the pieces together from the very start. Noticing is a big part of how they learn. They have listened to us, looked around their world and even anticipated patterns based on rhythms of the spaces around them. This is how they figure out how to respond to pauses in conversation and wave to others when they see passersby. Children are aware of differences, almost immediately, and they will start to call them out as a way to connect and belong.  

Their processing of differences is heavily influenced by how the adults in their lives respond to these same bits of information. Is everyone greeted with a smile, or just some people? Do you invite different types of people to your home, or just those who look the same as you? How do you respond when a child shows curiosity? Will they be in trouble for wanting to know more about a person? They take in this information and decode it; then suddenly they say their conclusions out loud. 

Imagine the routine of going to the grocery store with your child. You are in line for checkout and a person gets in line behind you. Some social rules, spoken and unspoken, may have told you to look away or maybe even change lanes because of how this person appears to you. Two things will be true at this moment: 

• First, your child is paying attention to you and that person. They are taking an assessment of the situation. Not in defiance, but in their age-appropriate method of trying to understand. 
• Second, your child does not know these social rules impacting your response…yet. You will have a choice to pass those rules down or to create another pathway of understanding our neighbors and community members.  

Celebrating differences is important - as is respecting differences. We are all unique. We look different. We have different skills and interests. Giving a child a nudge to celebrate this uniqueness is a beautiful lesson for life. Start by celebrating uniqueness in your child. Talk with them about their eyes or their body. Give applause when they accomplish something on their own. If they need help, let them know you can be there for them to lean on and that is okay if they cannot do everything. We all have unique abilities!  

Your child will also want to know about you. Are your eyes the same as theirs? Do you need glasses to help your eyes see better? Is someone in your family a little taller than another person, and do you love them just the same? Here are 5 gradual ways to celebrate differences in your child’s life, without long sentences (that they may not yet understand) or by flipping your life up-side-down:  

1. Read books with your child that illustrate different colors, shapes and sizes of people. 
2. Sing songs that let your child try moving their body in different ways and do the moves with them so they can see your body move too.  
3. In the community, if you notice your child noticing someone else, provide a warm, welcoming explanation that tells your child this space was created for you and them.  
4. Find joy in the different talents people in your family have. Display happiness for the child who was brave for trying and the same celebration for the child who won the game.  
5. Go to local festivals celebrating different cultures and try new foods with your child.  

Being joyful about the unique people in the world will help build positive character traits in the future generations. These children will not only be inclusive of others, but they also will have a strong sense of pride in their own special traits as well. It's time to celebrate our differences!