Talking to children about intolerance: A guide

Talking with a child about intolerance can be a topic that is both tender and tough. Even as adults, trying to sort through how differences become points of anger can hurt us deeply. Children have even less context about the world around them; as we are trying to help them understand, we can use their simpler viewpoint as an asset in our conversations. When talking to children about intolerance, it helps to frame ideas in ways they can relate to and to keep age-appropriate conversations about intolerance front and center. 

What is intolerance? 

Intolerance is the devaluing of another person because they are different than you are. As young playmates, children are often eager to unite with others for exploration and laughs. Groups of classmates innocently learn, explore and grow side by side without measuring the value of one another. Unfortunately, the adult world can sneak in and children can see glimpses of intolerance. 

Talking to children about intolerance 

To begin talking to children about intolerance, start by naming it clearly and gently, and then reinforcing kindness with simple activities to teach tolerance to children at home, in classrooms and on playgrounds. 

The adult world communicates that for one of us to be happy or succeed, someone else has to miss out. Age-appropriate conversations about intolerance can help them untangle this message by focusing on fairness, sharing and respect. Pairing these conversations with books about different kinds of people written for children  gives concrete stories and characters to discuss, offering examples of inclusion, courage and friendship that kids can understand. 

When you are working to help a child understand how or why these things are happening in the world around them, keep it simple. 

• Don't focus on things like politics or economics. 
• Be honest and say that sometimes people don’t want to share what they have. 
• Speak plainly by saying it is not OK to hate someone because of what they look like or who they are. 
• Explain our differences are not dangerous. 

Talking to children about intolerance in this straightforward way builds a foundation for empathy and action. Consider adding activities to teach tolerance to children—like cooperative games, role-play or creating a kindness chart—to turn ideas into daily habits. 

How to engage older children and teens in conversations about intolerance 

With older children, ask them what they would do differently. You could say something like, “You are right. That was not very fair and many people got hurt. If you were in charge, what would you do instead?” Creating a space for reflection can allow a child to put their personal values in action and imagine better ways of treating others in the community.  

Age-appropriate conversations about intolerance for older children can include discussing school policies, community history and examples of allies. You can also read and discuss books about different cultures and languages for kids together, then connect the themes to real-life choices at school and online. 

Teens would be ready to take these conversations even deeper and learn about practices that have helped communities recovering from injustice. Teens might want to use technology to share how they feel when others are not respected and not treated with kindness. Encouraging them to lead or join service projects and to design activities to teach tolerance to children in younger grades can strengthen their leadership and empathy. 

Talking to children about intolerance evolves here into mentoring, advocacy and thoughtful dialogue about systems and solutions. 

Intolerance feels heavy when we are teaching children. Naturally, caring adults want to shield them from harm. Working with them and building skills of empathy can help children long-term and prepare them to be the leaders we need right now. Keep conversations ongoing, age-appropriate and use supportive tools—like discussion prompts, community service and books about diversity for kids—to sustain learning. With regular conversations about intolerance and practical steps at home and school, children learn to notice unfairness, speak up kindly and practice inclusion every day.