"
I never learned anything with my
mouth
open" — Will Rogers
Communication is a key element of life, society and the family. You
use it from the moment you are born until the day you die. However, the
act of
communicating with your child can be an art within itself.
How can you get your child to confide in you? What can you do
to
help your children understand the importance of sharing information
about their lives?
"Parents just need to listen," says Dr. Ed Christophersen,
child
psychologist, Developmental and Behavioral Sciences at Children’s Mercy
Hospitals and Clinics. "When a kid says nothing, they were probably
thinking about something else. Forcing children to talk will not make
them want to confide in their parents."
Dr. Christophersen recommends that parents, when in a
controlled
setting (like a car ride to school), never initiate a conversation with
their child. Let the child determine what you talk about. Let them
answer their own questions.
Be supportive, and assist them in the problem-solving process, but
don’t answer their questions. This not only helps the child in problem
solving and in the long run also helps build a strong foundation of
communication between the parent and the child.
Communication is a growth process: if you start at age three
with something small and work up, the child will feel comfortable
discussing more in-depth topics with their parents.
"If you can’t listen when they’re little you won’t be able to
discuss more in-depth topics when they are older. But the major
problem," Dr. Christophersen says, "is that parents, over time, are
less anxious to listen." Usually parents want to pry , he says. Allow
your kids to determine how much they discuss. Establish a
‘safe’ zone, where they know you will really listen to whatever they
want to discuss.
Here are a few tips Dr. Christophersen recommends to
communicate better with your child:
- Accept all of your child’s emotions.
Don’t disregard your child’s feelings. Instead, acknowledge your
child’s feelings, no matter how painful.
- Listen to what your child is saying.
What your child leaves out of the conversation is more important
than what is included. Pay attention to your child’s body language—
gestures, tone of voice, facial expression to grasp the true meaning of
your child’s statements.
- Help your child clarify their feelings.
By bouncing back your child’s emotions, you help your child
explore their feelings further.
- Give appropriate feedback.
Use specific examples whenever possible and do not overload your
child by talking too much.
- Help your child develop effective communication skills.
Speaking and listening skills can be developed, by participating
in planned communication activities that can be fun for you and your
child.
- Encourage creative expression.
Generally, children lack the ability to talk about their
thoughts and feelings in depth. Art, dance, music and drama can provide
outlets for the release of these thoughts and emotions.
- Do not correct grammatical errors.
Indirectly correct your child’s grammar, use the correct form of
their mistake in a sentence, so your child can see how to use the term
correctly.
Praise your child whenever you like or appreciate something they
do, rather than waiting to reprimand them when they do something
wrong.
"The best thing I can tell parents to do is respect their kids,
listen to their kids and hear what’s on their minds," says Dr.
Christophersen.
