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This time of year can be scary
for some children. The mere thought of ghosts and goblins can send a
child’s mind racing. Especially, at night when the child is alone in
their room and monsters seem to be lurking in the corners and under the
bed.
If your child seems to be scared of the dark, they dread going
to sleep, they beg you to read them a bedtime story, leave the light
on, or sleep in another room, have no fear, help may be on its way.
"Most childhood fears are mastered by kids without any
professional help," says Dr. Rochelle Harris, clinical
psychologist in Developmental and Behavioral Science at Children’s
Mercy. "Only when fears become excessive and interfere with your
child’s daily activities should be their cause for concern."
To help you children master their fears, Dr. Harris
suggests:
- Show your children through your actions that you are not
afraid.
Parents who have fears usually pass them onto their
children. If you know that you have a specific fear, leave the
situation and let your partner handle the issue.
- Approach fear in a matter-of-fact way.
Don’t force your
children to get near a feared object or situation. Instead, work
gradually to help your children overcome their fears. Re-label the
situation to make it less fearful. For example, if your child is
scared of dogs, don’t force him/her to pet the dog. Instead, if you
know someone with a gentle dog, you and your child can visit that
person and spend time in the same room as the dog. After a couple of
visits your child may begin to show interest in petting the dog. If
your child expresses her fear, re-label their concerns by saying,
"It’s good that you don’t pet dogs that you don’t know. Let’s ask
if this dog is friendly."
- As your children begin to show non-fearful behavior, point out
their mastery.
Let them know that you see they are making progress
and you are proud of them.
Avoid these common behaviors that actually increase the children’s
fear:
- Don’t over-reassure your children.
For example, if they are
afraid of monsters in the closet, do not go to the closet, open the
door and say, " Look there are no monsters in here!" In your
children’s minds, this just confirms the need to check for
monsters.
- Do not try to lecture your children out of their fear.
Lengthy lectures and explanations about how the chance of lightening
hitting their room is only one in a million, and that you don’t know
anyone who has been hit by lightening just creates more fear. The more
you talk about the feared situation, the more scared your child will
become. Instead, respond matter of factly with a no-nonsense reply,
"If there is a bad storm, we know what to do."
- Do not ridicule or belittle your children’s fears.
This
will just force your children to stop discussing their fear. They will
learn that talking about their fears means being ridiculed or
belittled. So they will force their fears underground. This does not
mean the fear has gone away. You may have an even worse situation on
your hands.
If you are wondering if your child’s fears are appropriate for his
or her age, ask other parents with children your child’s age what their
children fear. If you feel that your child’s fears are excessive,
affect his/her daily activities or don’t seem appropriate for his age,
it never hurts to talk to professionals. You’ll either gain
reassurance that your child’s fears are appropriate and your child
needs time to overcome them, or you’ll get the support you need to help
your child resolve his fears.
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