Many an exasperated parent has wondered about their children: "Where
did they learn to act that way?"
And the answer, often, is they learned it from the parents themselves.
Children watch their parents. If they exhibit certain behavior, the
children are likely to follow, according to Rochelle Harris,PhD,
clinical psychologist at Children’s Mercy Hospitals and Clinics.
"Children learn what they live," Harris said. "It sounds simple and it
is. If you want your children to adopt certain values, you, too, need
to live them."
Values. Principles. A sense of right and wrong. These are key to the
development of children’s character and important to helping them
achieve their highest potential. And although parents aren’t the only
ones conveying values -- TV and friends are messengers, too -- they can
have a big impact.
From Children’s Mercy and the American Academy of Pediatrics are some
tips on communicating your values to your children:
Set a good example. Be consistent. "Children will learn a
lot more from what you do than from what you say," Harris said.
Involve your children in your life. Let them help in family decision-
making so they know their opinions are important. Involve them in your
everyday activities and they will learn what you think is important.
Get to know their friends and teachers and learn what’s important to
them.
Set limits and provide rules. Children need boundaries, but
if they are too rigid, they will naturally resist. Instead of just
setting down rules, explain in simple terms to your child why he or she
is not permitted to do something.
Have your children help with chores. To teach them
responsibility and fairness, encourage your children to participate in
the family’s work.
Encourage open communication with your children. By talking,
you can help your children understand the consequences of their
actions. Start the discussions at a young age, before any major moral
issues arise.
Discuss your values. Use stories to illustrate your values
and spark discussion. Depending on the children’s age, appropriate
stories could be "The Ugly Duckling," "It’s a Wonderful Life" or the
biography of Martin Luther King Jr.
Try to make your children feel good about themselves.
"Children need lots of praise, and hugs, too," Harris said. It’s
important to praise effort, not just accomplishments. "When they try
hard you should praise them, too," Harris said.
