“It’s my turn next
on the
slide.”
Many parents probably hear these statements
on a
daily basis. They are among the classic signs of “sibling
rivalry.”
There are several reasons
siblings
fight with each other. Some may
be
fighting for attention or jealousy.
Others may be experiencing personality conflicts.
“Siblings are fighting over the resources
within the
family,” says Rochelle Harris, Ph.D., developmental psychologist at
Children’s Mercy
Hospitals and Clinics. “It’s an avenue for them to learn
conflict
resolution.”
Family makeup is one
factor
in sibling rivalry. Studies have
revealed that conflict is low when parents show a good example of how
to deal
with problems, and argue in a constructive manner. Parents have to let the child know
that
fighting is unacceptable and will not be
tolerated.
“How parents respond to the fighting could
inadvertently increase problem behavior by condoning the child’s
behavior,”
says Harris.
Some studies have indicated
that
watching violent movies and TV shows increases aggressive behavior in
children. These studies show that
siblings depicted in movies have a lack of respect and were often
fighting. Parents may want to limit the amount
of
violent shows their children watch, or if a child does watch a violent
program,
talk about that program with them.
Understanding why conflicts occur and how
often, can
help parents deal with sibling rivalry.
Dr.
Harris
suggests a few guidelines to follow:
·
Don’t take
sides. There should be
consequences for
all children involved.·
Don’t be
the
investigator. You don’t have to know all of the details.
·
Make sure
you’re
not giving all of the attention to the aggressor.
·
Praise
siblings
when they are getting along well.
Some degree of sibling rivalry can be
constructive
in learning how to deal with disputes and working through them. Rivalry can also be useful in learning
important life skills, but it must be kept under
control.
“If there is a big difference in age and the
older
sibling is being hurtful, abusive, or victimizing the younger sibling,
despite
parent’s effort, then parents need to seek assistance,” says Dr.
Harris.
For more information,
parents can
speak to their pediatrician or doctor to help evaluate a
problem.
