While each family’s way
of
getting through a divorce can be different, the children are still the
number
one concern.
“The most
important thing for parents to remember is to keep their conflict away
from the
children and maintain a positive attitude toward one another,” says
Lynne Covitz, Ph.D., clinical psychologist at Children’s
Mercy Hospitals and Clinics. “If the child is put in the middle it
can
lead to everything from mild adjustment problems to very significant
behavioral
and emotional symptoms.”
Parents
should also give their child frequent opportunities to ask questions and
express their feelings. If the
child
feels that they don’t want to talk, then parents should not force the
issue.
Here are a few tips that can be followed to make divorce
manageable for
children.
Children may think that they are the
reason for
the divorce. Parents should try
to make
sure that the child understands that it is okay to share their
feelings, no
matter what they may be.
When the children are around, parents
should
never talk poorly about the ex-spouse. This is hard for many parents to
do because they may still be
hurt or
angry.
Parents should never put their children
in the
middle. Situations dealing with
the child
should be kept between parents.
Realize that there will be problems if
one or
both parents re-marry. The child
will
need time to get used to a new family situation.
Additional help may be needed for some
families
to get through this difficult time. Friends, family, and counselors can
be
helpful
when looking for support.
Divorce can be bearable for children
if both
parents can work together to create a positive environment.
"Divorce is never the
optimal
event for a child, but if handled properly by the adult a child can
certainly
adapt and continue to thrive,” says Covitz.
