Have you ever noticed that your child gets an uncontrollable thirst the
minute he crawls into bed? "Mommy, I need a glass of water." Or maybe
the minute her bottom hits the mattress she has to go to the toilet.
"Daddy? Go potty!"
Most likely you’re not dealing with a physiological phenomenon.
Instead, it’s avoidance behavior. And some nights it might seem like
the kids have countless reasons not to stay in bed or go to sleep.
Welcome to the Battle at Bedtime, a power struggle between kids and
adults. It can be frustrating for both sides and it’s not exactly the
most pleasant way to end the day.
"Putting kids to bed — and keeping them there all night long — doesn’t
have to be a nightmare," says Dr. Edward Christophersen, chief of
Behavioral Pediatrics at The Children’s Mercy Hospital in Kansas City,
Mo. "It’s not impossible to do it without a fight."
In the 1950s and ’60s, many children were sent to bed relatively early
and at the same time each night. Period. Parents of babies who
developed bad sleeping habits were told to close the bedroom door and
not go back.
Today, parents are encouraged to be a bit more flexible, but to stop
short of letting kids do their own thing. A sense of structure and
ritual will help children get themselves to sleep, without a big fight.
First, it’s important to understand a little something about sleep
patterns in children. Newborns sleep an average of 17 hours a day, but
usually only one or two hours at a time. By three months, most babies
sleep only 15 hours, about two thirds of it at night. By six months,
nearly all babies have settled down to sleeping eight or more hours at
a stretch at night.
As you begin to see regular sleep patterns, you can begin to establish
a regular bedtime routine. that doesn’t mean kids will always go along
with it.
There are many reasons children resist bedtime and going to sleep.
Separation anxiety is one. Other factors include hunger, fear, illness,
too much daytime sleep, changes at school or in the family and
inconsistent bedtime limits.
Once you get a handle on why your child is resisting, you can begin to
set some guidelines and create some family ritual that will make the
experience more pleasurable. Here are some ways to get started:
- Establish a pleasant, quiet bedtime routine. It you just send the
kids straight to be, they will probably have trouble falling asleep.
But if you calm them down with certain activities (reading a book to
them, for example) the transition to dreamland may be easier.
- Establish a predictable bedtime routine. When children understand
to look forward to a simple bedtime routine (including a consistent
bedtime), it gives them a sense of control and security. This gives
them a chance to fall asleep easier.
- Offer your child a transitional object. Special toys or stuffed
animals are OK. They can provide comfort if they awake in the middle of
the night.
- Make sure the child is comfortable.
- Teach children to fall asleep on their own. If the child falls
asleep in your arms, wake them up before putting them in bed. This will
teach the children to relax themselves to sleep. They may cry at first
with this routine and it’s OK to check on them occasionally, just to
let them know they have not been abandoned. The crying should last more
than a few days.
- Set limits on your children. They can only get up once, for
example, for water or the bathroom.
- Help your children handle bedtime fears. Reassure the children. Sit
with them while they fall asleep for a few nights. Put in a nightlight,
or leave a hallway light on.
- Adjust the sleep schedule if necessary. Maybe the kids are getting
too much sleep during the day.
The bottom line is to set reasonable limits and develop a routine. But
be flexible, too, and know that it’s OK to bend the rules now and then.
Even adults have trouble falling asleep at times.
