The special attachment between a mother and her baby doesn’t occur in
one magical moment, but instead is a wonderful life-long process called
bonding.
Bonding is recognizing who the most important person or persons are in
your life, says Ginny Rahm, a clinical nurse specialist with Children's
Mercy Hospitals and Clinics.
"Bonding is also the basis for love and the feeling of being secure,"
says Rahm.
The bonding process follows different time frames, depending on the
situation. One mother may immediately feel magic as soon as her baby is
placed in her arms, while another mother may be overwhelmed by the
physical demands of giving birth.
"Bonding, like attachment, is a process that starts once the mother
learns she’s pregnant, but the factors facing the mother play a large
role in the time frame she and her child will follow in becoming
acquainted," says Rahm.
There are signs that bonding is happening between a mother and child.
Bonding can be measured, and then used to help the mother improve her
relationship with the baby.
Here are some of the signs that the experts at Children’s Mercy
use to assess the bonding process.
- How does mom hold the baby? Does she hold the baby close to her or
away from her?
- Does mom talk to the baby? What is the pitch of her voice when she
talks to the baby?
- Is there a lot of eye contact between the mother and the baby?
- How does the baby respond to the mother’s touch and her voice?
Here are a few suggestions Rahm gives to improve the bonding
process:
- Spend a lot of time with your baby. Hold and cuddle her as much as
possible, talk to her, play with her and be very attentive to her needs.
- Try to follow a daily schedule, making it as routine as possible.
- It is acceptable to have time away from your baby. This gives you a
chance to be alone and regroup your energy. It can also be a time you
share with other adults.
- Learn good parenting skills from parents, grandparents, school or
classes.
- Find a support system for yourself through friends, relatives or
church.
- Be sure to always supervise your child.
The last tip Rahm gives is for new mothers to be patient. The bonding
process will happen and continue to become stronger throughout your
child’s life.
