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It has happened to all of us at one time or another. We have
been teased, laughed at, even pushed or shoved. And, it never gets any
easier. Whether you are young or old, bullies can have long-lasting
impressions.
Too bad, because bullies just don’t have to be that way.
"Bullies aren’t born, they’re raised. It’s a learned behavior, or
the lack of learning the appropriate behavior," says Dave Bennett, PhD,
clinical psychologist at Children’s Mercy Hospitals and
Clinics. "Often times, a parent who used to be a bully will have a
child who will follow in that parent’s footsteps and will also be a
bully."
Believe it or not, girls can be bullies too. Actually, girls are
more likely to be bullies than boys because of their faster
development. However, girls tend to bully through verbal means or
through isolation, rather than physical intimidation.
"A girl bully can tease and taunt unmercifully," says Dr. Bennett.
"Boys are more likely to push, shove and take their aggression out
physically."
Bullies often express their own frustration and unhappiness by
directing it toward others. They tend to do poorly in school, and may
come from a family with many problems.
When confronted by a bully, Dr. Bennett recommends the following
techniques:
- Walk away.
- Ignore the bully. Bullies seek a reaction of fear or frustration.
If they don’t get it, and if there are no other children around to
encourage them to continue, this may work.
- Use humor to de-escalate the situation. Appropriately used and
directed, humor can diffuse a bully’s aggression.
- Be assertive. Your child should make it clear to the bully that
his/her behavior is not appreciated. Your child can say something such
as "Stop doing that. That’s not fair."
- Children need to feel free to contact an adult if the bullying
problem persists.
"The more your child can stay in control and respond appropriately
to the situation, the less likely the bully will continue to bother him
or her," says Dr. Bennett. "Parents need to remember to be supportive
of their child throughout this difficult time. Together you can get
through this difficult experience."
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